WordPress, you’re so pushy

Dear WordPress,

I received your email. You know the one. “A lot of things have happened. It’s time to write about it.” and “We know life can get busy but spend time reflecting on it by writing.” I know I haven’t written in a while, but don’t patronize me. Yes, I know I asked for update emails but really, all I wanted was a tiny impersonal email saying- something like “Robot writer person- write new post.” But no. Instead I get an email that I suppose is supposed to be personal but is probably the same for many other people.

“Here are some posts from bloggers JUST LIKE YOU!” Yeah but how do you KNOW? No one reads my blog and I’ve not attached any themes or tags. I comment hardly ever and I follow even less. I had a suggestion from wordpress of one link to a blog about running and that is so alien to me it may as well be wearing antennae. Admit it WordPress, I got the exact same email everybody else did. Go on, admit. And what does it even matter anyway? It’s not like there are people who will die if I do not write another complainy little blog post. I’m pretty sure that it won’t affect anyone. If I was saying Life-Changing things then I would get it; I’d get why you’d care about me continuing to write. But now, let’s be honest here Wordy (can I call you that?) I’m not. One of my posts was literally just about Homer Simpson. Who REALLY CARES WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT HOMER? HMM? DO YOU CARE? ‘CAUSE TO BE HONEST, I DON’T! Woah, capitals.

Anyway, I thank you for your email, but don’t pretend like you read my blog and follow every second of it and look forward to every new post. BECAUSE YOU DON’T. You’re basically just lying. TO A CHILD.

So next time WordPress, just give me a one word email. Just say “Post” and it’ll work just as well I can promise you.

Your sincerely, F

“I’m Not Sorry to Say that I Don’t Really Care” And other things I should have said but never did.

Life is full of those opportunities when you could really do something noteworthy, something that would make someone reach out and bundle you into a hug of gratitude for making their life just that little bit more interesting. Or when you could say exactly how you feel and what you think. You know. Movie moments. Moments where you jump into a taxi and shout “Follow that car!” Moments when you stand up in class and just leave. Moments when someone’s getting right up in your face, telling you what they think of something or other and you just say “I’m not sorry to say that I don’t really care.” And leave. Moments where you are the one that people talk about in hushed tones like you’re some kind of legend.

I’ve never done anything like that. I wish I had but I haven’t. I’m that girl who makes up all these speeches in her head that would totally and absolutely at least get a bit of a cheer, and then never says them. I’m that girl who mutters under her breath about injustice and shows sympathy to the victims of it but does NOTHING whatsoever about it. And I want to. I really, really want to.

I want to be as foolhardy and brave and passionate as the Suffragettes or the chartists. I want to stand up, look someone in the eye and say “No.” I want to be Bender, I want to Bridget Jones (bit of a weird comparison, I know) I want to be fearless and bold and unbelievably brave.  But I won’t be

Because the thing is, I know my self unfortunately well. And I know that I could never do that. I’m the person that marvels at the ones who do. I’m not brave or bold or fearless and I never will be. Perhaps I will make a stand once, twice in my life. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll do something a little bit good that someone remembers for a week or so, but I will never be what I want to be.

But that’s Okay. You know why? It’s because every time a situation doesn’t pan out the way I want to, I give it to a character. I give my little situation to a character and I let them say the words I wish I’d said. I give my characters all the things I wish I had. I give them courage and wit and the ability to play the saxophone. And it’s fun. I get to use all those eloquent little speeches in my head and I get to make someone else a legend and I get “closure”.

Still wish I was more like Jane Eyre, but if all of us went around being amazing then there would be no normal to prove that the amazing was amazing… amazing. Um so. Yeah.

Fx

Ladies first? I think not.

Have you ever thought about those “chivalrous” males? The ones who let the girls get on the bus first, stand up when a girl walks into the room, holds the door for every female. Recently, our bus driver told the boys to wait for the girls to alight before they started to charge on, and this really irritated me. Now granted, they push and shove their way on until one of them ends up trapped in the door face down (it’s a school bus, what can I say?) but the implication that we were unable to handle this, as if we were too meek and too mild to deal with it, that we needed to be let on first because it was “right” and “polite”, well it bothered me.

None of my friends seemed to mind because the way they saw it, we get first pick of the seats, but isn’t this just another form of sexism? Sexism in pretty packaging but sexism all the same. So maybe it’s just me. I mean, I have grown up in a household of all females, brought up on 60s female pop (which featured a lot of sad “a man let me down” songs) and I could only name two or three marriages I know of that I think are actually quite happy. However, I really do think that creating this distinction between the girls and the boys just plants that seed in people’s brains that we are different. Biologically, we are a little different but otherwise we should be equals and this sort of attitude counters this.

Now, I know that many people would say that this is polite and good manners because boys are more rough than girls but that’s just it! That’s a less extreme version of the whole “women are meek and mild” opinion. You could also look at some of my earlier examples, like standing up when a female enters the room as sort of… chivalrous. I really don’t think that that kind of chivalry is a good thing. Let us not forget that in the days of said chivalry, women were sold and bought like cattle from father to husband, thought only good for child bearing and house keeping.

I don’t know, maybe I am being a little bit extreme but to me any type of distinction between male and female in things like this is just wrong. I don’t even care if the sexism works out better for females because it’s still creating that distinction and where some people don’t seem to mind that, I do. I just think of how unfair I would think it was if I had to let the males on the bus first simply because they were male. So. Um. Yeah. Right? The only thing they’ve got that we haven’t is a Y chromosome! Um… Yeah!

This is pantene’s ad that I think fits quite well with this. This advert makes me punch the air and go “yes, man!” Well. Not literally, I watched it first in our school ICT suite so for starters, I’d get some very strange looks. But I wanted to. Anyway, I know this is designed to sell a product and some people are saying “all it’s really saying is that to be strong your hair has to shine and you have to be pretty” but eh, I like it 🙂

Bye F x

Why Horses Are So Much Cooler Than Unicorns…

Argh! I can practically feel the hate vibes vibrating over the webmosphere! I can feel eyes widening in outrage and disbelief- is it possible? Could it be? Could this boring little insignificant human living in a boring little town in a boring little country really have the nerve to say that she thinks horses are better than unicorns? Well it’s true.

Now for starters, I do like unicorns. And I mean the real, cool, fight battles and wars and unite the world unicorns. But the cartoon ones prancing around on rainbows with hearts plastered on their forehead? No. Just no. But here is the thing. Horses are here. Horses are around being useful and great listeners, making you feel like you can fly when you soar over a jump and just being there. Where are the unicorns? When the going gets tough and help is needed scaddddooooom! The unicorns run off to fantasy worlds to stare at the moon. Horses have won medals. Horses have won wars. Horses have made a slow and terrible way in horrible conditions in which they may ultimately die. Just look at this book:

 This is the heartwarming tale about a horse about to be sold for meat that is rescued and then… well you can guess the rest. The horse turns out to amazingly fast and there follows troubles and fame and etc. It’s just fab. Would you find a unicorn doing all of that? Nope! A unicorn you would save and then it would be off off off to come back one day to bestow the honour of one wish to you. A horse would stick by your side and stamp its feet in puddles so you get muddy water all up your legs.

Horses are awesome, horses are cool, I’d pick horses over unicorns because I am no fool.

Yep.

Um.

So.

I have a history assessment I’m supposed to be doing so…

Farewell

F xx

The less you preach the more people you reach…

I have loads of these teachers that just talk at us rather than to us. Teachers that tell us what to think and how to interpret things rather than leaving it to ourselves to think about. And that’s just not right. How are we supposed to learn to do it for ourselves if we’re spoon fed every word we write? *sigh* If only everyone was like… I don’t know. I have literally no perfect person to place here.

I love the Simpsons… I love it so much. It literally taught me so many things I know today- like what a lesbian is and how to love books in the midst of people who scorn you for that… Plus there was totally a time that I fancied Bart.

Is it just me who finds Homer really sweet? Like a little toddler that you just want to pat on the head 🙂

Book review- The Savages

I decided that I would write a book review, I like books, I like to talk about books and hence, book review.

So… The Book!

Just me who’s reminded of the Adams family?

Name: The Savages

Characters: Sasha Savage- the eldest daughter of the family, pretty, intelligent, caring and strong, but sometimes a little bit sick of the family’s suffocating ways, she’s  just acquired a boyfriend, his name is

Jack- Handsome, clever  and charming. And Vegetarian. Uh. Oh.

Ivan Savage- The son of the family. Pretty much a psychopath, Ivan is unable to understand sadness and causes most of the problems the families encounter.

Titus Savage: The father of the family. He’s very protective of his family and holds them to the family values. He believes that the family feasts are the key to how close the family is. He’s a very successful business man and he wants his son to follow in his footsteps.

Angelic Savage: The mother. Beautiful and elegant, Angelica is a fantastic cook and Titus is devoted to her.

Katia Savage: The youngest daughter and the baby in the picture. Cute, isn’t she? Katia has not yet taken part in the feast tradition, but Titus is anxious that she should soon.

The Granddad (I can’t remember his name…): The one who started the family tradition and later migrated with the whole family to England. He’s old and his mind is gradually slipping and he can only eat his food when it is liquidized. But he’s always up in the attic when your in the need for a chat.

Vernon English: A private detective determined to get his big break. And he has a feeling that the Savages are the Key to it…

So, the Savages have a secret, a big secret. A secret that could rip their perfect little world apart.

They eat people.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah, you read right.

They eat HUMANS.

Now, I’m not talking everyday here, just every once in a while, when they have something to celebrate. They have a feast. They look out for their victim in advance, picking someone who won’t be missed, who’s healthy, who will make delicious eating.

Because the thing about the Savages is that they CARE about food. Food is their life, food is their tradition, the secret of the food they eat is what binds them together. So um. Yeah. That’s the secret of the Savage

A knuckle sandwich, literally

Now don’t worry. The Savage’s secret is not the big reveal at the end of the story, so I haven’t spoiled anything. All that I’m going to say on the matter is… This book was awesome. Really amazingly brilliantly awesome. It’s darkly funny and oddly easy to relate to. So, long story short- I love it!

Fancy an egg, anyone?

So what are other people saying about it?

“A really original and enjoyable teenage read, darkly wicked!”

“The Adams family meets Desperate Housewives. I loved every page and will  be highly recommending it in the future.”

“If the thought of reading about cannibals turns your stomach, don’t let  it dissuade you from reading this. After all, they only eat people for special  occasions.”

“The Savages was one of the best train journey’s home I ever had… It’s like a check list of everything I want in a book.”

If I only had one word to describe it, it would have to be

  4 1/2 Stars 😀

My Favourite Book Trailers

Some book adverts make me want to scream with sadness at how terribly they portray the book, but others make me feel like crying with joy. These are the ones that make me cry with joy… enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX82ggGCF7c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l59sMzeA_vQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=iDw4DiwpROk

Okay and that’s basically it. But they just kill me, like the my sister Jodie one literally punches holes in my heart- it makes me want to read it all over again! And the music to the Maggie Stiefvater ones… *sigh* Heaven! I’m sorry if some of them are just links, I can’t seem to get them to work, stupid computer. Sorry computer, I love you really. Anyway, if there actually is anyone reading this *raises eyebrows unbelievingly but being pathetically hopeful at heart. Damn my pathetically hopeful heart!* feel free to tell me about any book trailers you think are awesome. I was going to include some naff ones but I decided against it, I wouldn’t inflict that upon anyone, imaginary or not.

When it becomes “mainstream”

There’s an expiry date for almost every joke, isn’t there? A time when too many people know it and SNAP, it just isn’t funny any more. For example, the “why-did-the-chicken-cross-the-road” jokes, they had to be funny sometime,  but now when anyone trots that old one out, it is greeted with groans and moans.

Like with YOLO, yeah? I remember a time when not many people knew what it stood for and it was actually being used in the right way e.g NOT “Just bought some chips- with KETCHUP, YOLO!” That’s just… just… no.

Other things are timeless though. I mean, there will never be a time when me being right and my Dad being wrong isn’t funny 😀

Arrrgh.

So that is my homework, right there. To be specific, Chemistry.  It’s not very much, My teacher said, it looks like it is, but it’s not. It flipping was. If they’re going to give us annoyingly big-but-not-big-enough-to-be-really-big pieces of homework, they could at least have the decency to own up to it.

So that’s all I have to show for about a month. A scrumpled piece of paper and an angry face. I mean, I haven’t got a picture of an angry face to show you but rest assured, I’m angry. Not at the homework, just angry in general. Everything seems to annoy me these days. Everything. My sister was rubbing two pound coins together today and I actually wanted to scream at her. I didn’t, though, now that is self control.

I seriously doubt that there’s anyone reading this because I checked the “stats” just to depress myself and it confirmed that the best day for visitors was when I got two. And I’m pretty sure that they were both me. Sad. But anyway, if there is someone out there and you feel like commenting, tell me what makes you really angry. Is it people who walk really slowly? Is it pens without lids? Is it people chewing there fingernails? Let me know if you want.

Taking it far too seriously

I realised recently that I take myself far too seriously. I looked over some of my previous posts and I’m just like… shut up. No one cares, go away, go and crawl into a fridge and don’t bother me any more. I’m very thirsty at the moment and I’m listening to some band called Skiffle? Scifful? Skiff fall? Something like that 🙂 And they’re awesome and sort of cheesy and cute and I love it.

Recently I watched three of my favourite films- Notting Hill, Music and Lyrics and About A Boy. (Btw, my favourite out of those is probably About a Boy)If you have watched all of these films then you’ll know that they’re all Hugh Grant films. As far as actors go, High Grant is one of my absolute favourites. Why? He doesn’t take himself too seriously. He’s a terrific actor, he’s hilarious, he’s successful and he seems nice. He’s interesting. Whereas those who do take themselves seriously, well… they seem nice but boring, like people you’d avoid at a dinner party.

Goodreads Quotes tells me that David Bowie once said, “I’m always amazed that people take what I say seriously. I don’t even take what I am seriously.” and that Madonnna said, “I laugh at myself. I don’t take myself completely seriously. I think that’s another quality that people have to hold on to… you have to laugh, especially at yourself.” Kurt Vonnegut however said, “I have had all I can stand of not taking myself seriously.” But eh, I know not very much of this Kurt Vonnegut other than what I read in The Universe Versus Alex woods and his photograph seems rather grumpy. So I will go with the first two. I think that I’ve had enough of taking myself seriously. It’s boring. So…. um yeah. Seriousness out of the window, it is time to lighten up.

I think my life may be over… Or at least a great deal worse

It has happened. It never even crossed my mind that it could ever occur to me. I keep on feeling so self-pitying, just thinking Why me? Why me? Why me? Okay, here it is… My laptop has broken and it will not be fixed and so I have lost everything. All my itunes, all my documents, all of my images… I feel like my life has been ripped away from me and Okay, whilst I know that that is really over dramatic it makes me so sad. My little laptop took me through thick and thin, hard times, easy times. I watched my first Danisnotonfire video there. I read my first GHB blog there. The first time I downloaded a David Bowie song onto my iPod was on there!

All of the things I bookmarked, that I wanted to come back to but didn’t think I would find again- all gone!

I had over 50 beginnings of stories- some over 8000 words!- ugh… I just feel so lost.

I know I’m being really mopey and boring but I just feel so deflated and sad. My life was on that laptop. My whole life.

Also Lou Reed has died.

Is there really a point in living?

 

Keep it schtum

Many things about the world annoy me, but one of the things that I hate most are Fangirls and Fandoms. If anyone reading this would class themselves as this and now feels horribly offended, hear me out. You see, I don’t hate all girls who are a fan of something. I’m pretty sure I’d be hating more than a third of the world. I hate those really intense Fangirls. You know the ones who blog about their favourite band/book/artist/singer etc. every single day. Who call themselves fangirls. Who talk with their friends about what they’re a fan of for every second of the day. So much that it’s annoying. They make references to it everytime they open their mouth.
However, this isn’t really enough for me to hate them. In fact I am probably a little bit like that about some things. What annoys me is when they post comments saying “I’m only thirteen and…” or “I bet that I’m the only… who’s able to appreciate this legend.” I hate those people who say that what they loved saved their lives. They didn’t “save your life” maybe, just maybe, they made it better. But they didn’t save it. They’re just a band singing what they feel, or an author writing down a story in their living room, or an artist making marks on paper. I hate those fans who act like they’re the only people who have ever loved things.
I feel really sorry for those people who can’t keep what they love to themselves for any amount of time. There’s a really big secret that to me it seems like hardly any people know- the things that you keep private are the most sacred and real feeling. When you have something or someone that you love and you keep it a secret it makes you feel excited and exciting and A.L.I.V.E. People will say something that will remind you of something and you will smile secretly to yourself. You’ll savour every moment you have to yourself to think and think and think. The loves that you keep secret feel… cleaner, purer. They feel like they belong to you and only you because you haven’t shared them with anyone. They belong to you and only you. Only you. It’s just yours. If you don’t go onto tumblr and goodreads and preach in capitals about how you’re the biggest fan of whatever, than your feelings for it feel so much stronger, so much more intense. When you say things that to you really have a hidden meaning and it’s so much better than when you jump up and down as you squeal with a friend about how much you love ENTER WHATEVER YOU LOVE HERE. When you’re in art and you draw someone with a certain feature that relates to something else… it gives you tingles up your spine. When you’re subtle and keep it to yourself and walk around with what feels like an important secret… well to be honest it feels amazing.
I think it’s sad because hardly any people seem to know about this. Everyone is so caught up with sharing everything. Telling people how they feel and what they love. Some of the first questions you ask a new friend are things like “What’s your favourite..?” “Do you like..?” “have you heard of..?” It’s at times like this that I feel so happy that I can be a bit of an introvert. I’m not saying this to sound like a git (even though I know that that’s how it’ll come across) but when I keep what I love secret I feel special.
Two parts of me fight each other: the part that wants to share and the part that wants to keep behind closed doors. So I bargain. The things that don’t mean as much to me I share, the things I don’t love as much I share. The things that matter most to be I keep to myself, behind closed doors. Closed and locked doors. I have bits of introvert and bits of extrovert, I suppose. I can be quiet and I can be loud. I think everyone can be too if they tried, who knows, maybe they’d like it?
Fill your heart my friends

Fx