WordPress, you’re so pushy

Dear WordPress,

I received your email. You know the one. “A lot of things have happened. It’s time to write about it.” and “We know life can get busy but spend time reflecting on it by writing.” I know I haven’t written in a while, but don’t patronize me. Yes, I know I asked for update emails but really, all I wanted was a tiny impersonal email saying- something like “Robot writer person- write new post.” But no. Instead I get an email that I suppose is supposed to be personal but is probably the same for many other people.

“Here are some posts from bloggers JUST LIKE YOU!” Yeah but how do you KNOW? No one reads my blog and I’ve not attached any themes or tags. I comment hardly ever and I follow even less. I had a suggestion from wordpress of one link to a blog about running and that is so alien to me it may as well be wearing antennae. Admit it WordPress, I got the exact same email everybody else did. Go on, admit. And what does it even matter anyway? It’s not like there are people who will die if I do not write another complainy little blog post. I’m pretty sure that it won’t affect anyone. If I was saying Life-Changing things then I would get it; I’d get why you’d care about me continuing to write. But now, let’s be honest here Wordy (can I call you that?) I’m not. One of my posts was literally just about Homer Simpson. Who REALLY CARES WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT HOMER? HMM? DO YOU CARE? ‘CAUSE TO BE HONEST, I DON’T! Woah, capitals.

Anyway, I thank you for your email, but don’t pretend like you read my blog and follow every second of it and look forward to every new post. BECAUSE YOU DON’T. You’re basically just lying. TO A CHILD.

So next time WordPress, just give me a one word email. Just say “Post” and it’ll work just as well I can promise you.

Your sincerely, F

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